Wesley Willis vs Frank Sidebottom

4 Oct

Regular readers may have noticed that my lottery stunt from last time failed massively. One ball out of six. However, if you think about it, the odds of me getting one ball out of forty-nine with 6 chances are approximately 1 in 1.52 (I hope, otherwise that C in AS Maths was a waste), so the statistical probability was that I was going to get no numbers at all right, so I’ve beaten the system.

It did get me thinking though, and whilst commiserating yet another £1 gambling loss, I came up with a great idea for a sitcom. Please don’t let the pre-amble put you off – I know everytime I hear someone say “I’ve got a great idea for a sitcom”, they invariably follow it up with a pile of toss – but my idea is truly wonderful, and it’s called “The Richest Guy In Ellesmere Port”.

The back story is this – it’s 2009 in Ellesmere Port on the Wirral. Lifelong Tranmere Rovers fan Stan Boon has just been laid off by Vauxhall as part of the General Motors (Europe) fall out. But Stan’s not going to let that get him down, oh no. He’s pushing 50, he fears ageism in an ever-younger society, so he decides to blow his windfall payment in the local bookie. Down to his last quid, Stan put a quid on the lottery using the minutes in which goals in Tranmeres game were scored, and has a win. Stan checks back on previous weeks reports, and finds that it’s no coincidence – each Tranmere match report has at least 3 numbers that come up the Tuesday after.

This rags-to-riches sitcom will show Stan Boon rise from his hard luck, and see him in unusual adventures across the Wirral as he collects his weekly tenner (occasionally 60 quid) and lords it over his neighbours as… The Richest Guy In Ellesmere Port.

Now, you will almost certainly have read that and considered it a waste of time.

If so, I apologise.

However, it is far funnier an idea than BBC Three have had in ever, so hey! If you’re a BBC commissioning type, get your people to talk to my people at will@xcos.eu. You may also be interested in “How to donkey-punch an invisible man” and “Indoor! Market! Kidney! Swap!”, a cartoon that I’m hoping will be voiced entirely by Justin-Lee Collins.


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