Wot no Three Lions 98?

7 Sep
The bestest 5 football songs in the westest.

Football’s back, and it’s bigger than ever.
More money than ever before is being spent on the Soccer, which means beyond a shadow of a beast that it’s the coolest thing going.
But what is the appeal of football?
To some, it’s the non-stop total soccer action that only a TV channel can provide; to others, it’s the ability to play it with your friends on an X-Box machine.
For me? Well, it’s the football songs innit.

I find that the humble football ditty, one of Britain’s greatest innovations, serves two different but yet equally important functions.
Firstly, the football song is a bridge between the arts and sport, bringing worlds together that ordinarily would keep themselves to themselves, much to the annoyance and chagrin of the sporting and musical elite.
This amuses me.
Secondly, the football song usually has a simple melody, allowing it to be bastardised on the terraces, again to the irritation of music aficionados. LOL!

Here then are my favourite five football tunes to have "come out" over the last few years.
No polls have been taken, no scientific formula has been used, the placings have been decided purely by the tyranny of my own whim.
That’s not to say, of course, that I’m not an unreasonable man. What’s your favourite "Soccer-Pop"? If you have one, and you’d like to share it, comment-me-do!

5. Helen Love feat Gruff Rhys – Cardiff City Superstars 2008


It’s the theme from the Banana Splits, with different words, being sung by the cream of the late 90s south Welsh indie-pop crop. Released to commemorate their trip to Wem-ber-lee in 2008, this was the first FA Cup final song in the history of popular music that wasn’t shit.


4. Roy Green – Let ‘Em Come


The only reason this is here is that it would be remiss of me to let Cardiff finish above Millwall in a league table of my own design.
The tune to which the teams run out at the Den, it is notable for being the only song in English football to reference Jellied Eels. I got that off Danny Baker, fact fans.


3. Frank Sidebottom – The Robins Aren’t Bobbins


Altringham FC’s unofficial club anthem circa 1990, Frank was a regular "down at the Moss Lane football ground" until he had a falling out with the owner of the club. In later years, Frank would change the name to "The Robins ARE Bobbins" to reflect the spat. Sadly, with Chris Sievey, Frank’s representative-on-Earth succumbing to cancer in 2010, we’ll never know the full story.


2. Half Man Half Biscuit – The Referee’s Alphabet


Well, it was either going to be this, Bob Wilson: Anchorman, All I want for Christmas is a Dukla Prague Away Kit, or the one about Honved.

Get back in your technical area!


1. Sensible World of Soccer – Goalscoringsuperstarhero


Remember the beginning when I made a facetious point about kids playing football on the XBocks?
Wondering where that point about football tunes "being a bridge between arts and sports" was going?

The answer is here: TA-DA!

Sensible World of Soccer is well remembered for a number of reasons, that it was the first game to feature teams, leagues and cups from all six football playing continents; that it was relatively easy to play, and tricky to master; but for me, the best thing about the game was the theme.
The PC version came with a music video, and the theme as an audio track on the CD (as was popular at the time), and here it is.
It has all the ingredients of a catchy football tune – the simple melody, a cracking bassline, asonine lyrics, and a halfway-funny video.
Some official England World Cup songs have been worse than this (I’m looking at you, Cordon) – if the FA are looking for a song for 2014 on the cheap, they could always give Codemasters a ring…


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